We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
