Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
