All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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