Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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