Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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