wanna go halves on a baby?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
