I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
