I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
