What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
