a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
