Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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