I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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