I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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