His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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