I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
