if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
