if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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