if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
