We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
