how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
In other news, I just burned my penis
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
