She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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