you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
