im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
