I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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