I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
