i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
