can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
