Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
