The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
