I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
