Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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