hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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