I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
