Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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