i need an iv and a liver transplant
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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