I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
