wanna go halves on a baby?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
