just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
