ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
