Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
