best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
