We're like a lot better than the average bears
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
this is an emotional support booty call
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
