Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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