Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
