I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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