Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
