I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
BRING THE BAGELS
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
