i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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