So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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