Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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