Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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