The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
