its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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