I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I need water and some morals
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