whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
