It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
