By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
